I realized today that, even though I've gotten to a point in my life where I'm more comfortable with my own sexuality, there was no way I could bring home a potential lover. I can barely stand to have really, really good friends over. My place is a mess. And it's the usual suspects. Clutter, dirty laundry, etc.
And for the first time in a while I was truly moved to do something about it. It's good to have a goal. Nothing huge, well, nothing impossible anyway. I just want to have a space I can seduce some one in. I don't wanna have to worry about kicking dirty clothes into the closet. Or have them tripping over yesterday's shoes. Or have them figure out just how much I eat out by all the receipts laying around.
That and I realized that I was in no state to go home with some one either. I've come to realize over the years that my personal anxieties require a certain amount of grooming beyond the everyday before I feel relaxed while being naked in front of someone I'm trying to impress. And let's be honest, most people are pretty heavy into a relationship before they stop trying to impress the other person.
So I've decided to try adding some new personal rituals into my week. Friday's will now be 'Freyja Fridays', after the Norse goddess of love, fertility and beauty (and also magic, battle, and death). Pretty awesome stuff right? From what I've read of Her in current work as well as in the old myths, etc, I feel like she could also be expressed as a proponent of sexual self-sovereignty*. So, for Freyja Fridays, I'm gonna take some extra time to do the things that make me feel not just pretty and put together, but down right sexy. For me, that means fancy perfume, a little bit more make up, playing with my hair more. Mostly stuff that takes that extra hour in the morning I usually take for sleeping in.
This also means that Thursday nights are going to involve more prep time. Like making sure laundry is done, taking a bath instead of a shower, painting my nails, or maybe doing some sort of facial or pedicure. Laying out my clothes for the next day.
And the thing is, even if the impetus was someone else (and I'll do a lot of things for others that I wouldn't take the time to do for myself), I'm the one who'll be benefiting.
*So I love to do random Google searches, just to make sure I haven't made stuff up randomly, and was pleasantly surprised to find this speech by Elizabeth Cady Stanton regarding self-sovereignty. I'm going to have to read it in full later.